Something New

The last time I was in a committed relationship was 2002. Dated my high school sweetheart off and on for 3 yrs up until we broke up at the end of my Junior year. I always get the question, "Why are you single?" A woman with my standards stays single - I can find something wrong with anyone, lol. I've dated many men since that time but nothing materializes into a relationship. Either I'm not fully in it, or we just don't click. Throughout my "drought", there have probably been 3 guys I was truly into - they just happened to be more into other women and/or liars. Needless to say, the trust factor for me with men has slowly deteriorated over the years. My most recent incident has left some pretty deep scars. Invested a year and a half in this man and it all came crashing down on me a few months ago. What's done in the dark does always come to the light. Skeletons never stay hidden. Regardless, I realized I dodged a bullet.

After the heartbreak I've been through over the last 4-5 yrs, I decided I was ready for something new. After my most recent situation, the plan was to be solo for a while - heal and try to find myself again. Interestingly enough, I happened to meet someone who was going through their own heartbreak. I'd already somewhat dealt with mine and things were fresh for my new friend. I'd like to think that I helped ease the pain by speaking from my own experience. We haven't known each other for very long and I'm not one to plunge into things so quickly but I have a good feeling about this. If something feels right, why take my time just because it's what I've always done? If someone is that into me and knows they want a relationship, and I feel the same way, why wait? My new friend is amazing and makes me incredibly happy. I can't remember the last time I was this happy with anyone. Don't know how it happened and how the feelings grew so strong so quickly but I'm not going to fight it. The situation is new for me on so many levels but I'm liking this new place I'm in.

What's In Store for Me

I had a brief, enlightening conversation with my pastor this morning after church. What I thought was going to be a quick talk turned into something so much deeper. She recently asked me to be an officer and I respectfully declined. I don't feel content enough to take on that type of responsibility. The talk between her and I started with a comment that she really wanted me to be an officer in the church. I responded by saying that I'm in such a weird space right now. That short statement triggered an in-depth conversation. I won't go into great detail about what transpired but I will give a high-level overview. She told me that I'm an old soul and that I have a wealth of knowledge to share. She's always believed that it is my destiny to lead and inspire others. She also said that I have so much talent, education, and business acumen but I don't know what to do with any of it. True statement. I'm so lost at this point and I'm still trying to figure out what my purpose is. What really struck a cord with me was her comparison of me to King David. To shorten a long explanation, I like David am experiencing a period of hardship. There's a scripture stating that David was a man after God's own heart. My pastor seems to believe that I am a woman after God's heart. I know what is right and I will go astray but I always know who I can depend on. One of the last things she said to me was that before I'd be able to help anyone through their struggle, I'd have to experience one of my own. I'm in the "wilderness" so to speak and there's no end in sight. I can understand that in order to inspire and help others, I have to go through one of my own so I can provide the wisdom and guidance someone may need in the future. What I dislike is that this period of discontent may continue longer than I would like. So much is in question at this point and I don't like uncertainty and ambiguity. I'll just continue to press on and learn to cope...

And the blog lives on...

I have not had the desire to post as often as I once did but I'm attempting to pick the habit back up. I received some inspiration from "The Social Network". The movie, no matter how accurate or inaccurate it might be, was one of the best movies I've seen this year. But I digress... I actually contemplated shutting down my blog due to an incident that occurred a few months back. I've already deactivated my twitter page as a result of the situation. I realize that privacy is non-existent on the internet but I still felt as if the little privacy I have was violated. I dislike when people speak on things they have no idea about and then try to use it as leverage for personal gain. What's even worse is when the person is a complete stranger and is being nosy for the sake of trying to solidify a relationship that doesn't exist. I truly felt as if I was in the twilight zone going through a surreal altercation. Anger and perceived betrayal can bring the beast out of anyone. Unfortunately, that anger can be mis-directed and targeted at the wrong person. Maybe it's because we want to believe in someone so much that we look for an outsider to be the scapegoat. With all that being said, getting even isn't the answer either. Oftentimes, it's best to walk away because you might end up making a fool of yourself. The situation made me stronger and realize that I should never let anyone have control over my freedom of speech. The blog is and will forever be an invitation to friends and family into my world.