What's In Store for Me

I had a brief, enlightening conversation with my pastor this morning after church. What I thought was going to be a quick talk turned into something so much deeper. She recently asked me to be an officer and I respectfully declined. I don't feel content enough to take on that type of responsibility. The talk between her and I started with a comment that she really wanted me to be an officer in the church. I responded by saying that I'm in such a weird space right now. That short statement triggered an in-depth conversation. I won't go into great detail about what transpired but I will give a high-level overview. She told me that I'm an old soul and that I have a wealth of knowledge to share. She's always believed that it is my destiny to lead and inspire others. She also said that I have so much talent, education, and business acumen but I don't know what to do with any of it. True statement. I'm so lost at this point and I'm still trying to figure out what my purpose is. What really struck a cord with me was her comparison of me to King David. To shorten a long explanation, I like David am experiencing a period of hardship. There's a scripture stating that David was a man after God's own heart. My pastor seems to believe that I am a woman after God's heart. I know what is right and I will go astray but I always know who I can depend on. One of the last things she said to me was that before I'd be able to help anyone through their struggle, I'd have to experience one of my own. I'm in the "wilderness" so to speak and there's no end in sight. I can understand that in order to inspire and help others, I have to go through one of my own so I can provide the wisdom and guidance someone may need in the future. What I dislike is that this period of discontent may continue longer than I would like. So much is in question at this point and I don't like uncertainty and ambiguity. I'll just continue to press on and learn to cope...

And the blog lives on...

I have not had the desire to post as often as I once did but I'm attempting to pick the habit back up. I received some inspiration from "The Social Network". The movie, no matter how accurate or inaccurate it might be, was one of the best movies I've seen this year. But I digress... I actually contemplated shutting down my blog due to an incident that occurred a few months back. I've already deactivated my twitter page as a result of the situation. I realize that privacy is non-existent on the internet but I still felt as if the little privacy I have was violated. I dislike when people speak on things they have no idea about and then try to use it as leverage for personal gain. What's even worse is when the person is a complete stranger and is being nosy for the sake of trying to solidify a relationship that doesn't exist. I truly felt as if I was in the twilight zone going through a surreal altercation. Anger and perceived betrayal can bring the beast out of anyone. Unfortunately, that anger can be mis-directed and targeted at the wrong person. Maybe it's because we want to believe in someone so much that we look for an outsider to be the scapegoat. With all that being said, getting even isn't the answer either. Oftentimes, it's best to walk away because you might end up making a fool of yourself. The situation made me stronger and realize that I should never let anyone have control over my freedom of speech. The blog is and will forever be an invitation to friends and family into my world.

Flexing my creative muscle...

This is something I wrote a while ago and decided to go ahead and post it...

A Love That's So Wrong

My heart beats a little faster at the thought of you

Wishing you were here so I could hold you

The feelings I have for you run deeper than you'll ever know

Having you is a distant dream, a love that is never destined to grow

I'd spend my whole life showing you what's in my heart

But any expression of my feelings might ruin our friendship and tear us apart

I know you tend to think of me too

Though I doubt it's in the same way I think about you

I wish I could have you but we can never be

So I remain content only having you in my dreams