To My Close Friends - I Just Wanted to Say...

This is the second week that I've felt compelled to write about my friendships. Not having a significant other limits my thoughts and topics to my relationships with friends and family. I guess today has more to do with me than with my friends but what I need/want to say is directed at my closest friends.

Growing up, I was a troubled child. I had a normal upbringing so there really wasn't any reason for me to be mean, rude, cruel and/or selfish. Both my parents loved me and did all they could to make sure I was happy. The more I think about it, the more unsure I am of what triggered that behavior. Maybe I was just a spoiled brat :) I think the person who experienced the worse of my wrath was my baby sister. I was terrible to her for the majority of our childhood. It wasn't until I reached my adolescent years that I started treating her like I loved her. I wish I could re-do our childhood; I'd treat her so much better. Now, she knows I love her and that's all I care about. Looking back, some aspects of my cruel behavior affected me negatively in the long run. I've always been known for having a "tough girl" exterior. The "tough girl" act, coupled with my nonchalant attitude has given many persons - even my friends - the wrong impression of me throughout the years. As I've matured over the last 4-5 years, much has changed. Overall, I've grown to be more emotional with family and close friends but I tend to hold back. Obviously I don't lack emotion I just have a hard time expressing myself. And some have noticed, but I always feel awkward consoling my female friends... well I guess that statement encompasses all my friends! I've gotten better in that aspect over the last few years. I'm more at ease with being affectionate when family and friends need comforting. So why the long-drawn out analysis? I felt I needed to give that background to lead up to this final section. I'm not the best at verbal communication so this is my way of showing how I feel. This is for you, my closest friends...

I know I don't say it much because sometimes I don't know how to but... I love you. No matter how long you've been in my life, a season or a lifetime, you've affected me in the greatest way possible. Good, dependable friends are hard to come by and I'm glad that God placed you in my life. I'm a realist and can be a bit blunt in getting my point across. I apologize if I've hurt you in being too blunt while giving my opinion but I'm only looking out for your best interests. I also apologize if my honesty has upset you. Sometimes I'm not aware that my words are hurtful until after I've said them. I'm a very complex person and tend to shutdown when I'm upset. Thanks for being patient with me and letting me come to you in my own time. Don't ever think you can't confide in me - whether your problem be with someone else or even me. I'll always remain open-minded because I know most times when there is an issue with me, I'm not without fault. Just know that no friend is ever a burden when in need - whether it be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. No matter where our paths may take us in the future, know that you will always have a special place in my heart. I am a changed person... a better person because of you. I thank you, I appreciate you, and I love you.