Love - such a beautiful thing, right? Depends on the context in which it is being used. The love we receive from God, without question, is beautiful. He loves us unconditionally no matter how much we neglect Him. He has done so much for us but we tend to forget. How can a person be so selfless? We could never fully understand because we are, by nature, selfish beings. Yes many of us do things for others out of the kindness of our hearts but, admittedly, some acts are done with selfish intent. Jesus committed the ultimate act of love by dying for us - those that were and that were to be - with no apprehension. It seems like a rhetorical question but how can someone die for the sins of persons who have yet to be born, and better yet, for people who hated Him? We could all take a page from His book...
Love as it applies to family and close friends is a beautiful thing - at least for me it is. I love my family whole-heartedly and I know that love is reciprocated. Without my family, I would not be the woman I am today. The love my parents have shown me and my sister over the years has taught me that love has no boundaries. The love of my family has brought me through difficult times and rough situations. Often, I deny wanting to have a family of my own but the truth is, I do want to have a child that I can love the same way my parents loved me. My love of close friends is as deep as that of my family. The only thing separating us is blood. I won't elaborate too much on this due to an earlier post I made ("To my close friends, I just wanted to say"). I said all I needed to say to my friends then.
And then there's the love of a significant other. The passionate love you feel for him or her can be a beautiful thing, but can also be deadly. This type of love can bring joy, happiness, everlasting bliss... or it can bring betrayal, anger, and even fatality. Have I ever been in love? I've asked myself that question over and over again. I come up with the same answer everytime, "Maybe". I've only been in one serious relationship. We dated off and on for about 3 years. He told me he loved me after a couple months. It just blew my mind! We were so young at the time and I didn't know what love was. I thought I loved him and told him this after dating for about 6 months. To this day, I don't believe I meant it. At that age (15-16) I think it's purely infatuation. What do a couple of teenagers know about love? It wasn't until after we'd been broken up for about a year or so that I thought I was in love. Who pines over someone for more than a year if it's not love? I dated/talked to other guys afterwards but always compared them to him. It took a long time for me to move on. In a sense, he was my "first love", but it wasn't the kind of love two people marry for.
I've seen the best of love through my parents. Almost 24 years of marriage and still going strong. They have their ups and downs but never have doubted the love they have for one another. I've also seen it turn fatal. About 6-7 years ago, a new neighbor killed his wife, step-daughter, and then himself, leaving 2 small children behind. Was he really in love? I think many people are in love with the idea of being in love. Can you really know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after 4 or 5 months? Or even a year? I think not. It takes time to learn about all aspects of a person. I do want love but I'm not in a rush to find it...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
To My Close Friends - I Just Wanted to Say...
This is the second week that I've felt compelled to write about my friendships. Not having a significant other limits my thoughts and topics to my relationships with friends and family. I guess today has more to do with me than with my friends but what I need/want to say is directed at my closest friends.
Growing up, I was a troubled child. I had a normal upbringing so there really wasn't any reason for me to be mean, rude, cruel and/or selfish. Both my parents loved me and did all they could to make sure I was happy. The more I think about it, the more unsure I am of what triggered that behavior. Maybe I was just a spoiled brat :) I think the person who experienced the worse of my wrath was my baby sister. I was terrible to her for the majority of our childhood. It wasn't until I reached my adolescent years that I started treating her like I loved her. I wish I could re-do our childhood; I'd treat her so much better. Now, she knows I love her and that's all I care about. Looking back, some aspects of my cruel behavior affected me negatively in the long run. I've always been known for having a "tough girl" exterior. The "tough girl" act, coupled with my nonchalant attitude has given many persons - even my friends - the wrong impression of me throughout the years. As I've matured over the last 4-5 years, much has changed. Overall, I've grown to be more emotional with family and close friends but I tend to hold back. Obviously I don't lack emotion I just have a hard time expressing myself. And some have noticed, but I always feel awkward consoling my female friends... well I guess that statement encompasses all my friends! I've gotten better in that aspect over the last few years. I'm more at ease with being affectionate when family and friends need comforting. So why the long-drawn out analysis? I felt I needed to give that background to lead up to this final section. I'm not the best at verbal communication so this is my way of showing how I feel. This is for you, my closest friends...
I know I don't say it much because sometimes I don't know how to but... I love you. No matter how long you've been in my life, a season or a lifetime, you've affected me in the greatest way possible. Good, dependable friends are hard to come by and I'm glad that God placed you in my life. I'm a realist and can be a bit blunt in getting my point across. I apologize if I've hurt you in being too blunt while giving my opinion but I'm only looking out for your best interests. I also apologize if my honesty has upset you. Sometimes I'm not aware that my words are hurtful until after I've said them. I'm a very complex person and tend to shutdown when I'm upset. Thanks for being patient with me and letting me come to you in my own time. Don't ever think you can't confide in me - whether your problem be with someone else or even me. I'll always remain open-minded because I know most times when there is an issue with me, I'm not without fault. Just know that no friend is ever a burden when in need - whether it be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. No matter where our paths may take us in the future, know that you will always have a special place in my heart. I am a changed person... a better person because of you. I thank you, I appreciate you, and I love you.
Growing up, I was a troubled child. I had a normal upbringing so there really wasn't any reason for me to be mean, rude, cruel and/or selfish. Both my parents loved me and did all they could to make sure I was happy. The more I think about it, the more unsure I am of what triggered that behavior. Maybe I was just a spoiled brat :) I think the person who experienced the worse of my wrath was my baby sister. I was terrible to her for the majority of our childhood. It wasn't until I reached my adolescent years that I started treating her like I loved her. I wish I could re-do our childhood; I'd treat her so much better. Now, she knows I love her and that's all I care about. Looking back, some aspects of my cruel behavior affected me negatively in the long run. I've always been known for having a "tough girl" exterior. The "tough girl" act, coupled with my nonchalant attitude has given many persons - even my friends - the wrong impression of me throughout the years. As I've matured over the last 4-5 years, much has changed. Overall, I've grown to be more emotional with family and close friends but I tend to hold back. Obviously I don't lack emotion I just have a hard time expressing myself. And some have noticed, but I always feel awkward consoling my female friends... well I guess that statement encompasses all my friends! I've gotten better in that aspect over the last few years. I'm more at ease with being affectionate when family and friends need comforting. So why the long-drawn out analysis? I felt I needed to give that background to lead up to this final section. I'm not the best at verbal communication so this is my way of showing how I feel. This is for you, my closest friends...
I know I don't say it much because sometimes I don't know how to but... I love you. No matter how long you've been in my life, a season or a lifetime, you've affected me in the greatest way possible. Good, dependable friends are hard to come by and I'm glad that God placed you in my life. I'm a realist and can be a bit blunt in getting my point across. I apologize if I've hurt you in being too blunt while giving my opinion but I'm only looking out for your best interests. I also apologize if my honesty has upset you. Sometimes I'm not aware that my words are hurtful until after I've said them. I'm a very complex person and tend to shutdown when I'm upset. Thanks for being patient with me and letting me come to you in my own time. Don't ever think you can't confide in me - whether your problem be with someone else or even me. I'll always remain open-minded because I know most times when there is an issue with me, I'm not without fault. Just know that no friend is ever a burden when in need - whether it be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. No matter where our paths may take us in the future, know that you will always have a special place in my heart. I am a changed person... a better person because of you. I thank you, I appreciate you, and I love you.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Friendship Labels
So here I go again... making yet another attempt at doing this popular new pasttime we call blogging. I've never been great at keeping up a diary so I thought I'd take a different approach this time around. Rather than give a play-by-play of what happens in the day of the life of me, I plan to write about issues/topics that spark some sort of emotions within me.
Anyone that knows me should know that I'm not an outwardly emotional person. The facade can be deceiving. I'm truly a softie at heart and passionate about various things. I've always been very passionate about my relationships - especially those with close friends. I'm frank when I need to be and sometimes when it's not so appropriate. I had a conversation with one of my closest friends last night about the label of "best friends". My philosophy has always been a person doesn't really have more than one best friend. No matter how many best friends you may have there will always be one in particular that you have a stronger connection with. In my opinion, that's an indisputable fact. Some might say I'm wrong for thinking this way, but my thought process has always been different from the norm. Anyway, as we delved deeper into the issue of best friends, I felt that this hole I had already dug myself into was getting larger. Most know who I consider to be my best friend (other than my younger sister), but does it really matter that she is the only person I call 'best friend'? Is it wrong for me to refer to my long-time friends, or even those friends that I've formed a strong bond with in a short period of time, as 'close friends'? I don't believe there are tiers to friendship; however, I do believe that each set of friends serve a different purpose. Because I don't consider mulitple persons my best friends, doesn't mean I think any more or less of them. For me, it's just a label.... that's all it is - a label. It doesn't define our relationships. Our experiences and kinship is what shapes our bond.
Anyone that knows me should know that I'm not an outwardly emotional person. The facade can be deceiving. I'm truly a softie at heart and passionate about various things. I've always been very passionate about my relationships - especially those with close friends. I'm frank when I need to be and sometimes when it's not so appropriate. I had a conversation with one of my closest friends last night about the label of "best friends". My philosophy has always been a person doesn't really have more than one best friend. No matter how many best friends you may have there will always be one in particular that you have a stronger connection with. In my opinion, that's an indisputable fact. Some might say I'm wrong for thinking this way, but my thought process has always been different from the norm. Anyway, as we delved deeper into the issue of best friends, I felt that this hole I had already dug myself into was getting larger. Most know who I consider to be my best friend (other than my younger sister), but does it really matter that she is the only person I call 'best friend'? Is it wrong for me to refer to my long-time friends, or even those friends that I've formed a strong bond with in a short period of time, as 'close friends'? I don't believe there are tiers to friendship; however, I do believe that each set of friends serve a different purpose. Because I don't consider mulitple persons my best friends, doesn't mean I think any more or less of them. For me, it's just a label.... that's all it is - a label. It doesn't define our relationships. Our experiences and kinship is what shapes our bond.
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